Stories from our childhood
My teen home was filled with Catholic guilt and conditional love. We were kept in line with angry words, long spans of silence and enjoyment withheld, including Christmas presents and time out on weekends with friends.
When my second son was born, I was tired and cranky. My self-awareness became heightened. It was time to take control; become a better parent if I wanted a home filled with harmony, cooperation and love.
It was heartbreaking listening to Patrick O'Sullivan's interview on The Current, wondering why no one ever stepped in when his Dad was beating him in the parking lot after hockey practice.
In junior school, my entire class received a caning one day. Someone had gone wrong. No one owned up to wrongdoing, so we were all lined up outside and, with outstretched arms, received two lashes each. It stung like hot coals - swollen, broken skin, shamed in front of the school.
Names like Bones, Chicken legs, Breastless came at me as a preteen, and I learnt that words could sting as much as that cane.
Petar was excited to start school at 5 years old in Croatia. He quickly learnt that a bad grade in English would mean a beating at home.
When he ran away from home for three days, nearing starvation, he reluctantly returned. The beatings never stopped until he was old enough to stop the hand himself.
Patricia grew up on the Caribbean island of St. Vincent with her single Mom who would brandish an iron comb and take a hammer to her head in rage.
She fell while climbing a tree and injured her hip and leg. She walked with a limp for 25 years before finally having surgery in Canada.
Andy's parents used corporal punishment as a motivational tool to increase grades, while at school he faced racial slurs and death threats as a minority Chinese Canadian in his suburban neighbourhood.
Peter became a good runner as a kid. As a fun-loving geek growing up in Lorne Park, in Mississauga, he'd run or ride his bike to school every day.
Those skills were useful in making a quick getaway from bullies on the football team at the end of school.
Deng was just a nine-year-old boy in Dafur when he was captured and kept in a deep, dusty hole in the ground for days on end with little food, water - no bathroom facilities.
When Steve was five, it felt natural to use his left hand, but whenever he picked up a pencil, he got rapped on the knuckles hard. Over and over this happened. He was told that it was the hand of the devil working.
“My dad was tyrannical for the most part. He was a mean drunk who loved to pick a fight and win that fight no matter what the cost to any of us. There was a lot of hollering, gesturing of hands, bulging temple veins and epic swearing. I grew up terrified of the guy”
Canadian singer, author jann arden on Substack
Do you have childhood pain that cuts deep? Scars that fade but never go away.
Manifesto of Kindness
Be kind to loved ones: Cherish those in your care as you wish to be cherished.
Be kind to others: Lead with empathy—always strive to walk in their shoes.
Be kind to the planet: Tread lightly, reduce waste, and plant trees for the future.
Be kind to all living things: Protect our shared home and respect every creature.
Be kind to yourself: Nourish inside and out—if you wouldn’t put it in your mouth, don’t put it on your skin.
Parenting classes gave me the tools not only to communicate with my kids but to reflect on my own behaviour as a parent and to be in the moment, every day.
Here's what I learnt from Beverly Cathcart Ross at the Parenting Network:
7 Principles of Mindful Parenting
Equal respect, different abilities: Honour their rights while supporting their growth.
Focus on the “do,” not the “don’t”: Swap negative mandates for clear, positive direction.
Praise what you want to see: Focus your energy on good behaviour rather than on the bad.
Use “I” messages: Name the behaviour, express your feelings, and explain the real consequences.
Provide bounded choices: Share control using simple options (“Bath or shower?”).
Project confidence: Show children your trust rather than passing along your anxiety.
Live the Golden Rule: Treat them as the thoughtful human beings you want them to become.
Recommending Resources
Raising Great Parents. on Amazon.
How to Become the Parent Your Child Needs You to Be.49 Phrases to Calm an Anxious Child.
“The greatest gift the parent can give to their child is his or her own happiness, so take care of your emotional states because your kid is sensitive enough to be downloading your emotional states and making them their own…”
Bestselling Vancouver author of five books published in thirty languages, Dr. Gabor Maté, talks about parenting, childhood development, and the relationship of stress and illness. Skip to 37:28
Toni Seucharan Robertson is also a parent.